Slow Down

Sorry I haven't posted anything sooner, but I've been traveling this week and it always throws me off my regular schedule. I'm sitting at the airport waiting for my flight. I don't mind waiting, sitting with nothing to do is definitely a pleasure...I'm back after a short break. I realized that I was sitting at the wrong gate. Oops! Then I found the right gate and checked to make sure I was in the right place, and they told me the flight had been moved to the opposite side of the terminal. Oh well, that's why I allow myself a good hour before the flight leaves.

Sitting with nothing to do, I don't allow myself that pleasure very often. I might sit and watch TV for a few minutes after dinner, but it's just because I'm trying to shut my brain down enough to sleep. TV is good for that.

I keep up a frenetic pace most of the time. I go and go and go, until I finally drop in exhaustion. I live my days hitting each duty with a quickness and force that I rarely have time to enjoy whatever it is I'm doing, to savor the task and the sense of accomplishment. I think many of us are like that. We allow our lives to be filled up with so many things we have to do, so many responsibilities.

I think there's a few reasons why we do that, or at least why I've done it...or do it. And for me at least, none of those reasons are good, or healthy.

One of the reasons I pack my life with things to do is to try distract myself from the critical voices in my head. Those ones that say I'm not good enough, that I don't have any value, or that God only loves me because he has to. This has been a difficult one for me and has dogged me my whole life. I don't know why, but probably because of a variety of reasons. I know that over the last several years, God has healed me of many of those thoughts. He's healed me by giving me little glimpses of the truth. The truth of my past, the truth about who I really am, and the truth about how he loves me. 1st John 3:20 says that if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our hearts and knows all things. Romans 8:1 says there is no condemnation in Christ. So if you have those same voices in your head as me, they are a lie. You are highly favored by God. If you don't feel like that, ask God to show you how much he loves you, he will do it. I promise, God is faithful.

A friend of mine called me a life-long learner.  I like that description and it's very true. I love learning new things. It's like discovering and unfolding a new mystery. Peeling back the outside to see what treasure might lie inside. But most of the time, that learning requires a time comitment. I have to be careful that I don't let my enthusiasm for learning something new take precedence over the tasks that I have on hand. Just like I think I can stretch my money to include anything I want to buy, I think I can stretch my time also. Both of those can leave me short...short on time and short on money.

I also have a tendency to belittle my own gifts and envy other people's gifts. I see someone I admire and I want to sing like them, or play an instrument like them...and oops, there's another time commitment (and sometimes money commitment). At the age of fifty, I have pretty much figured out the things I'm good at, and I'm owning those gifts. I'm not going on a gift hunt to see if there's really something else that God wants me to do, and I've just missed it. Maybe I've learned to trust God and rest in what his plans are for me. He might have something else for me to do, but he'll have to show me.

The final reason is somewhat insidious and can be hard to detect. It's wrapped up in the nice words like DOING GOOD and SERVICE. But at the heart of that is the feeling that I'm not good enough (yes, that same feeling rears it's ugly head again)! I need to work a little harder than everyone else. Oh, I know I'm saved and that the sacrifice of Jesus is enough, but that critical voice in the back of my head drones on and on. Putting me down, undermining my confidence. So maybe if I volunteer for one more thing, say yes, once again, when someone asks me to do something...maybe, just maybe, that voice will be quiet, at least for a little while.

All of these things can cause me to take on more then I can handle...well.  But I'm learning to slow down - a little.  Those critical voices have subsided, for the most part.  Or when they do start talking to me again, at least I can recognize them and tell them to shut up.  I'm starting to yearn for peace and quiet, rather than dreading it.  Even when we recognize all this, it's still difficult to cut out some of those responsibilities, some of those expectations that others have of us.  But that's going to be my goal for the next few months. To stop volunteering for so many things, to ask God what does he want me to do, and then really listen to him when he tells me. To.Slow.Down!!

What about you?  Do you rush from task to task?  Do you do one thing while you're thinking of the next three things you  have to do?  Now I know that sometimes, life situations just can't be avoided and we're going to be too busy.  And, those of you with kids, you will probably just throw up your hands in disgust when reading this... But if you're overfilling your life because of some of the reasons I mentioned above, then examine your life, your heart, your mind.  Ask God to reveal and heal some of those weaknesses that might be lurking inside you.  Ask him to tell you what he wants you to do.