I'm reading the most wonderful book right now.  It's called One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully right Where You Are, by Ann Vos Kamp.  I first heard of it from Sara Frankl's blogsite, and I downloaded it a while ago, but didn't really start reading until a couple of weeks ago.  It is incredible!

You.must.get.this.book!!

In the first chapter, she talks about ingratitude.  This is what she says, "Satan's sin becomes the first sin of all humanity: the sin of gratitude. Adam and Eve are, simply, painfully, ungrateful for what God gave. Isn't that the catalyst of all my sins?  Our fall was, has always been, and always will be, that we aren't satisfied in God and what He gives.  We hunger for something more, something other."  When I first read that, I thought it was an interesting concept, but didn't really apply to me.  I mean, I'm grateful for everything I have.  I've been to Mexico and Africa on mission trips. I've seen what having NOTHING really looks like.

But she continues to talk about this, and a little bit later she talks about accepting our life as it is...what God has given us.

That really struck me.  Almost physically, but most assuredly in my heart.

I saw the millions of times that I've said...if only...Thank you, God for all you've provided, but if only this was different, THEN I'll be happy.

If only I hadn't hadn't run so far from God in my twenties and early thirties, if only I was thinner, if only I had a better job, if only my husband was this, or did this, if only my house was bigger, or I had children or...the list is endless.

Those 'if only's' are sins of ingratitude also.  I have lived a life of constant discontent...waiting for something else to make me happy.

Could I really just accept my life as it is?  Actually, God had already been working on me a little bit.  I turned 50 this year, and I kind of realized that I am who I am, and it's pretty good. (It's about time, right??)  I read a blog from my friend Jenny Rain about owning your age, and i decided that 50 is a good age to own.  This year I've also got down to the weight I wanted to be (after a lifetime of obesity), had some surgery to get rid of extra skin, and finished my ministry degree.  So maybe it's time to let go of this life of discontent, and if only's.

It's a matter of being able to live in the moment. When we start thinking about the past and regretting actions...if only this had happened...or if I had done this; or when we think about the future...if I get a new job...or meet someone special...then I'll be happy. Those are the thoughts that I have to stop!!

What about you?  Are you waiting for an if only for you to be happy??  Stop right now!!  You are in the place that God wants you to be. You are wasting your time if you're wishing that things were different.  Everything that happens to you is being filtered by God.  Thank him for it!! Live a life of gratitude and see if he doesn't open up a life of joy for you to live!!